


this path is mine

by fleury



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:08:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21667960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleury/pseuds/fleury
Summary: On his 18th birthday, Cody wakes up with a little black heart inked into the pad of his index finger.(“I don’t believe in soulmates.”)
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 11
Kudos: 149





	this path is mine

**Author's Note:**

> love soulmate au’s!! love a good cliche!!
> 
> title is from “summertime in paris” by jaden

Sometimes, Cody will see Noel looking at the imprint on his finger and he’ll stick his hand into the pocket of his jeans. It’ll still glow this vibrant red, still burn ruthlessly, but he grits his teeth and pulls through it. 

It’s not real if he doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s not there. It’s not there. Soulmates aren’t real, and that’s all that this is. 

+

On his 18th birthday, Cody wakes up with a little black heart inked into the pad of his index finger. He doesn’t fall over himself and his stomach doesn’t contort with his nerves. He’s expected this. All the same as anyone else he’s ever met. A cool black heart printed right into his skin. 

“It’ll glow when you’re near your soulmate. You need to watch for that,” His mother explains, the warmth in her eyes practically tangible. She looks happy. So happy.

Cody twists his mouth to the side, dragging his thumb over the ink. As if it’ll rub off just like that, like this is all a bad joke. “It’s gonna hurt. Dad said it burned.”

He’s heard it a million times before. The same story. The same old thing. Soulmates connecting the hearts on their fingers to stop the sting that comes with the glowing. It sounds awful, tacky. Cody didn’t have any business dipping a toe into this. 

“That’s just another sign,” she says drily. “Take this seriously, honey. It just means you’re growing up, aren’t you excited?” 

Cody blinks and without thinking he says, “yeah.” He exhales, it feels just the same as it always has, and he balls his hand up.

+

It goes like this: Marcus gets his heart, then it’s Noel, then it’s Devon, and Devon’s is the first to light up.

It’s the first time Cody’s ever seen it in person. They’re stuck in traffic on the freeway, cool air roaring out of the front of the car, and Devon jerks his hand away from the wheel. His mouth is blue from the slushy he was sipping at and he screws his face up into something pained. 

“What the fuck,” he hisses, and presses his finger to the condensation on the cup. His eyebrows are pressed in close and the look that crystallizes over his face is almost panic. 

No, no, it _is_ panic. 

“What,” Cody asks, staring hard, and Devon pulls his finger away just enough to show off the blue heart. It’s glowing, glowing, glowing, and Cody knows it stings. 

He feels his jaw drop. He still hasn’t gotten his own heart. 

“Uh,” Devon says, dumbly. “I think this means something. This is a thing, right? This is—it’s one of the signs.”

Cody nods slowly. He looks around at the surrounding cars, all with these dark tinted windows. Spaced out far away from them. He turns back to Devon and swears he can see the very moment the hopelessness hits him.

“Shit,” Devon says, and slips his cup into the holder. “Shit, this is some kind of big fuck you from the universe, that’s all it is.” 

Cody doesn’t know what to say, how to deflate this, so he keeps his mouth shut and tries to keep his eyes on the road.

For some reason, he can’t breathe.

+

Cody learns, very quickly, that just because everything else is painted out for them, finding your soulmate isn’t ever going to be easy. 

+

Cody isn’t the first person to see the heart on Noel’s finger, but Noel doesn’t show it to him as much as Cody barely catches a glimpse as he’s shoving on his mittens. 

It’s cold out, snow swirling and dancing in the air, lifted by the harsh breeze. 

They’re waiting for the bus because Cody’s car won’t start and Noel sucks at driving in the winter, but still has the audacity to refuse to hand over his car keys. 

Neither of them say anything until the bus comes by. Even then, it’s just Cody huffing out a frustrated, “Finally,” and Noel mumbling in agreement. 

It’s hard to ignore the burning at the tip of his finger.

\+ 

Cody has never cried over anyone. He hasn’t lived long enough, hasn’t had those experiences, hasn’t felt torn open like that. He doesn’t think it’s something to be proud of, but he’s smart enough to know it’s better than being caught up on someone. 

But this is different. This is Cody wanting to erase a part of life, a part that he’s afraid to reveal to himself. He hates the little mark at the tip of his finger. He hates the sting. He hates the way it makes him feel like less of a person and more of an object. Like this is all a sick game and he’s been given the roll as a pawn. 

He scrubs at his fingertip, wishes he could rip the mark off, and doesn’t feel anything but contempt.

+

Noel asks, “you don’t have your mark yet, right?” 

It’s very out of the blue. They’re sitting in the shade of a chillingly large oak tree, one that seems to reach for the clouds with its branches. Cody follows the gnarled roots with his eyes. 

“No,” he says quietly. “I heard they suck. Like, they hurt.” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Noel says, almost remorsefully.

Cody snaps his head back up from the ground to look at him, watching as his eyes drop to his hand. 

“Mine hasn’t even, like, tingled. Literally no feeling in it at all. My soulmate is probably across the world in fucking Australia or something.” 

Cody tries not to let his lips dip into a frown, as much as he’s incentivized to mirror Noel’s expression. Instead, he tries, “Australia? _Hah,_ you wish. You’re just looking for an excuse to get outta here.”

Noel rolls his eyes at him, but the tiny quirk of joy on his lips is a reward enough. “Maybe I am, what’re you gonna do about it?” 

Cody shoves Noel, lightly knocking his elbow against his ribs. He doesn’t say anything about not wanting his mark. He doesn’t say he doesn’t believe in soulmates. He doesn’t say he’s scared. 

He says, “you’re gonna keep me posted though, right?” And Noel grins.

+

It’s indescribable, the flare of heat at the tip of his finger whenever his mark starts firing up. It isn’t hot like touching a stove, but it doesn’t sting like a cut either. Instead, it’s this heat that gets underneath his skin, one that starts deep, deep down. 

It’s like nothing else. Which is why it’s so painfully distinguishable every time he feels it. And each time it happens, he’ll just happen to catch the wrong eye, or end up going red, or. 

One time, Noel says to him, “I think we should talk,” and Cody can’t get anything out in response. Too caught up, too focused, he can barely remember where he is. 

His hand is fisted in his jacket pocket, safe, secure, hidden. “I don’t think I can, I’m. I’m not feeling great, actually.” 

Noel keeps persisting. “I think you know why,” he says coldly. “I think you _know_ , but you‘re afraid of the answer.” 

Cody can’t focus. There are nothing but lies stirring up in his head, things to throw out to avoid this. Anything, anything, anything. 

“What if I don’t believe in the answer,” Cody snaps at him. It’s harsh, quick, fuelled entirely by the heat sparking at the tip of his finger. “I don’t believe in soulmates and I don’t get how—how we’re still living by this system. This shit is ancient, you really think it’s still useable? You’re gonna look me in the eyes and tell me the system isn’t flawed?” 

Noel pushes his hair back and that’s the first time Cody has ever seen his heart glow. The red at the tip of his finger is quiet, not as bright as Cody’s. It isn’t dull, but it isn’t the sun either. 

“Suddenly the system is flawed? Because you don’t like the outcome? Are you kidding me? You can’t just do that, you can’t keep acting like a kid.”

Cody has never shown anyone his heart while its been glowing. Always carefully concealing it, always gritting through the pain. 

But he pulls it free from his pocket now. He splays his palm out in front of Noel, waving the heart. “This? This is your system? This doesn’t mean shit. This was a mistake,” he says too quickly, each word spilling out without a second of thought.

Noel doesn’t react for a moment. Another one. Long enough that Cody’s left to soak in the words still hanging in the air. 

He swallows awkwardly. “Hey, you know I didn’t mean anything by that, I just—“

Noel says, “Okay.” He looks down at his own hand, and he says, “Okay.” 

The room feels cold and dark when Noel walks out. 

+

Cody meets Noel’s eyes from across a booth and he feels an incessant heat pool across his face. He knows what he looks like right now. Rosey cheeks, messy hair, drunk out of his mind. He’s only seventeen, but getting booze is a lot easier when you’ve got an entire group of guys to help sneak it into your hands. 

Noel smiles at him. Once. Then he turns away to say something to Devon, gesticulating haphazardly enough that he nearly spills beer all over his lap. He does that twice. 

Cody counts his breaths, in and out and in and out. He takes note of each time Noel grins from behind his glass, each time he excitedly talks over Devon, each time his gaze sidetracks to Cody. 

Seven times. Seven times in five minutes, that last one. And Cody can pinpoint every moment, if only because his pulse jumps at every instance.

+

They stop talking. 

Cody texts Noel once, maybe twice, and Noel will reply the next day with something bleak. 

They don’t even buddy it up for the guys anymore. It just. Stops.

+

“I would give anything in the world to meet them,” Devon says. He’s staring at the tip of his finger, at the heart inked there.

Cody thinks about the first time he’d seen Devon’s heart glow. That was the only time. 

“Stuff like this takes patience, right?” 

Devon‘s eyes fill with remorse. “I’m tired of being patient.” He puts his head in his hands. “I was so close.” 

Cody feels guilt swirl in the pit of his stomach. He moves in closer to Devon, arm wrapped leisurely around his shoulders. “You deserve good things, alright? You’re gonna get what you deserve.”

+

Cody kisses Noel. Without a word between them, not a single look exchanged.

They’re hidden from the rest of the world in the stairwell of a fucking parkade. The ground is wet from rainwater and it’s too humid, the air tacky against his skin, but he presses Noel to the nearest wall and. He feels. 

His fingertip still burns. His heart marking still glows red, red, red, and when he presses it to Noel’s neck he knows he won’t feel the heat, but he almost hopes for a reaction. Something, anything to prove this is real. 

Noel doesn’t shove him away. He kisses back, slow and careful, just not for as long as Cody would hope. He settles a hand against Cody’s chest, light pressure, and.

“Oh,” Cody murmurs, stepping away. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I thought—“ 

“You weren’t wrong,” Noel says gently. His lips are pink, pretty, and Cody feels like he’s going insane. “But you can’t. You can’t do this and act like everything is okay, like this is some kind of experiment for you. Some of the shit you do, man. I don’t understand.” 

“It’s. Who said this was an experiment?”

“You,” Noel says. He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “What happened to the system being flawed? What about all that, huh? You change your mood at the flip of a coin and somehow you expect me to keep up with this?” 

Cody blinks at him, slow. “I’m sorry.” 

Noel shakes his head. “Yeah, I wish it was that easy.”

+

His parents are soulmates, both with a set of matching lavender hearts. They fell in love young, but didn’t realize they were truly soulmates until they each received their own marks. 

The thing about them is they didn’t need some system to tell them how to live their lives. They were brought together purely by chance. They lived together long before they were given their individual marks. In fact, in their lifetimes, the marks were an afterthought.

And maybe because of that, maybe they are soulmates. 

+

“You hurt yourself, honey?” His mother asks, sitting down next to him at the dining table. 

Her eyes are locked to the bandaid Cody has plastered to the tip of his finger, conveniently over his heart. 

“Because even if you did, you know I wouldn’t believe you,” she adds, reaching out to take his hand. 

Cody lets her unravel the bandaid, clicking her tongue at him when the skin beneath him comes out untouched. 

“I hate looking at it,” Cody tells her. “It’s this constant reminder of the whole thing, like, what are we even doing?” 

His mother sighs. “How many times have you seen your heart glow?” She’s as gentle with the question as she was reaching for his hand, or pulling off the bandaid. Cody isn’t a fan of being treated like glass, but this is different.

“Lost count,” he says simply, and doesn’t hear just how bad that sounds. 

“You know, a soulmate is something wonderful. This is one of the most important aspects of your life and you’re taking it for granted?” She absently swipes a finger over the heart on her finger tip. It’s like a second wedding band to her. Cody knows how critical all this is in his family’s eyes. 

“You make it sound like this is easy.“

“This wasn’t meant to be easy, otherwise we’d all be assigned a soulmate at birth. Clear cut, simple, easy, but Cody, you know that’s not the way I raised you.” She reaches for his hand again. “No more of this, okay? No more fear.” 

Cody looks at his mother’s heart, glowing proud and bright. He looks at his own, dull, black, unhappy.

+

When Noel opens his door, the first thing he says is, “Why are you here.” 

“Look, I just need a minute. Please. Then you can slam the door in my face and shut me out for as long as you need. You never have to see me again.”

Noel doesn’t respond, not a muscle in his face twitches, but the door stays open.

Cody says, “I liked you before I got my heart.” He falters and feels the world fall to his feet. “I thought the soulmate shit was like a placebo or something. That I was making it all up in my head, but. I liked you. I really, really liked you.” 

Noel looks lost, something unreadable falling across his face. Still, not a word leaves his lips.

“I mean, I like you, present tense. I wanna be with you and I’m sick of my finger burning all the time and,” he takes a breath. “Is this making any sense?” 

“Wow,” Noel says, “Cody, you. Wow.” He moves slowly, bunching up his sleeve and holding out his hand. All Cody can see is the way the heart on his fingertip lights up. He looks between him and the mark. 

Noel’s eyes go soft and it’s so familiar, like coming home after parting for years. 

Cody reaches out and presses his heart to Noel’s and, without a moment’s delay, the stinging numbs into nothing. His fingertip feels empty, but he feels good. This feels right. 

Noel meets his eyes with a smile. “You wanna come inside?”

Everything is just as it should be. 

“I’d like that,” Cody says.


End file.
